Baron Bob "Gift Crusader"

Choking Hazard - Getting To Know Baron Bob Gift Crusader

Not to long ago while eating a salad I choked on an olive.  My friend asked, "Are you okay?"  I wondered how could I be okay If I'm choking.  Then I felt the need to reply, "I'm C--H--O--K--I--N--G."  My friend says, "I'm sorry I couldn't really make that out...oh, I get it your choking."   "That's okay just put your arms up," He calmy explains.  I think what am I under arrest by the choke police?  My friend gets up and instead of the Heimlich Maneuver he looks like he's going to give me the kiss of life (he could be gay?)  I take a swig of water, clear my throat and loudly state, "Check please!!"

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com  crusader for unique gift ideas

8/29/05 CHEAP PIZZA Getting To Know Baron Bob Gift Crusader

It was 5 minutes to midnight.
I make the frantic call to Dominoes.
I get the everything is shutdown, to late.
“Damn.”
I’m just ready to hang up and then a thought
flashes to my head.
“Do you have anything left over?”
The Dominoes dude says, “Sure.”
I’m through the door faster then you can say,
“One extra cheese, hold the artery clog.”

The Dominoes dude waves to a pile of
delivery boxes stacked high on the counter top.
He goes through the offerings.
Pizzas, Breadsticks, Cheesy Bread.

I walk out the door with some Buffalo Wings
underneath my arm and a smile almost as big
as my everything pie.

All for a 5 spot!!

It seems people crank call, refuse their order
or the wrong item is actually made.
This results in a stockpile by the end of
the night.

So if you get that late night crave and
hear the dreaded to late you now have
the plan of attack.

And when you walk out the door tell
the Dominoes dude the Baron sent you.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

8/29/05 You never know what the next moment brings, case in point…Getting To Know Baron Bob Gift Crusader

It was a Friday night; I went to go to get a Subway sandwich. I get a call from the Baroness (Jill my wife) she says, “We have to talk.” In ten years of knowing her she had never made such a statement. Somehow I know what’s to be said. I turn to the people on line waiting for their sandwiches and say, “I think I’m going to be divorced.” A sir without hesitation states with the up most authority, “It’s cheaper to keep them.” Sure enough 157 days later and a whole much lighter in the wallet my official, unofficial title is Bachelor Baron Bob.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

8/20/05 A Manly Observance - Getting To Know Baron Bob Gift Crusader

I went to a blogging conference in San Francisco and took notice that the bathroom urinals were very low. In my home state of New Jersey urinals come up high. Is it San Franciscans are well endowed? I mean how low can you go; it was like I was peeing at my ankles.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

8/8/05 "I Found A Lava Rock" Getting To Know Baron Bob?

When I was a kid I had a rock collection. My extensive collection included some coal, a jagged piece of slate, and an almost clear, looking rock. Okay, it was a pretty lame collection at best. However one wintery day off to the side of the sleigh riding hill I found a Lava rock. It was orange with swirls of brown and so light, almost poperous. I heard my family call and I couldn't wait to show my great find. As we drove away from the park I proudly explained to my father, mother and brother I had found a real Lava rock. I proudly took it out for all to see and my Mom said, "What the hell are you doing with that?" I said, "This is my Lava rock." "No, it's piece of frozen dog crap, you idiot!" yelled my Mom. She made me throw it out the window. I still think it was the real deal and if you ever go to Rifle Camp Park, West Paterson, NJ keep an eye out for my Lava Rock. However don't step on it just in case.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

8/1/05 "AppleBees & Joe, Appetizer Guru" Getting To Know Baron Bob?

AppleBees
Is it me or is the restaurant AppleBees not the 4 star dinning experience it seems to be. The commercial says, "Yum" the experience says, "Where's the nearest bathroom." I had a bowl of meat, Teriyaki style with orange glop. The cow that gave up his rump must haven't hit the tread mill in a while, grissel galore.

Did you know did you care?
Joe the office manager is the master of ordering appetizers as a meal. Next time you place an order in the special instructions ask Joe for a plate of zucchini sticks, mozzarella sticks, eggplant sticks, please don't forget a few carrot sticks and to finish off a swivel stick to stir his ice tea.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

7/26/05 "1968 Cuda & Not Receiving a ticket" Getting To Know the Baron?

I drive a 1968, four hundred horsepower, gas guzzling, not so environmentally friendly Barracuda. click picture: (blue car to the right doing the burnout)




Once I was pulled over by an officer. I had gone through all 3 gears, entering a highway, pushing 120 mph. I told the officer, "We just dropped a new trans in and I was just bringing the car to speed." He retorted, "What WARP SPEED!!" He let me go!!!! I think getting out of a ticket when your dead to rights can better than sex. The same day my wife's friend received a ticket from rolling through a stop sign...Go figure??

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"

7/26/05 "Barons Cap" Getting To Know Baron Bob?

Customers have asked what's with the Barons Cap?

I'm a Gift Crusader of course!! Actually, it does a fine job to cover my balding area.

Fly Back To:
BaronBob.com "Gift Crusading at it's wackiest!!"